Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Monday, July 18, 2011

If i have not love

I wasn’t planning on doing a Valentine’s Day post because I don’t really celebrate the holiday as a single PCV living in South Africa. It’s also hard to be romantically minded in a country where 1 in 4 women has experienced violence at the hands of a partner and many girls are forced into sexual encounters before age 18. Still, I think that I can take something away from this holiday, so I’m going to try to do so.

If there’s one thing that immediately stands out to me about Valentines Day, it’s the concept of Love and how different cultures interpret it. The ancient Greeks came up with a categorization of various types of love, starting with Eros and adding on Philos and Agape, with Eros being the common form we know of today as “Romantic Love”. This love is focused primarily on physical and emotional intimacy with another person, be it a lover, wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend. The main purpose of this type of love is to meet the desires of another. Philos and Agape are different in that they emphasize brotherhood, kinship and relationship on both a civic and kinship level. It is this that I think needs resurgence here in South Africa. At the height of traditional Zulu culture, the concept of Ubuntu created a system in which love of ones community, family, culture, and tribe was non-negotiable. You either cared for other people or you ceased being recognized as a contributing member. Ubuntu meant that one cared for others because they believed their humanity did not stop and end with them but rather was binding them to others like strands of DNA creating a cell structure. To deny this practice was to essentially deny one’s own humanity-You are a person because of other people, Batho Pele, People First. Because of this structure, family systems were strong, the Zulu became prosperous and powerful, and the needs of each member of a village were taken care of. All this worked well until the arrival of the first European explorers in the 1600’s. As Musa Dube, a scholar on the system of Ubuntu in early Zulu culture states, Ubuntu has the potential to be revisited as a cornerstone of a just and peaceful African society:

“The concept of community, the Botho/Ubunthu/Buthu paradigm , should become the cornerstone of for propounding the African philosophy of justice and liberation by constantly revisiting what it means to be community and live in community, what violates community, and how to live in community in the new and hybrid twenty-first century contexts.”

Ubuntu eventually started to fade as a common cultural practice as Apartheid created fear and distrust in communities, and the focus shifted to survival and individual human rights. Ubuntu didn’t completely disappear, but it was squarely challenged. People who had once been loving and caring for others started to move inward. After the arrival of democracy, the dream of togetherness and unity lasted for a short honeymoon period before promises started to be broken and a nation became cynical and even more inwardly focused. For all the talk of Ubuntu, people eventually felt more like the other, alienated, unloved, and struggling to get the full equality promised to them in the Freedom Charter the new ANC Government had long ago drafted. An anxious populace started to wonder: What is the point in idolizing brotherly love and Ubuntu if I still live at a standard of living far below those who purport to be my brothers in this “Rainbow Society”? Slowly but surely, this new political era started to become more power-focused and individualistic despite tangible gains for South Africans. The people became jaded and their leaders marched on.

When I look at the country today, in 2011, with all the ups and downs over the past year, world cup unity, civil unrest, and bold promises of a better future laid out by President Zuma in his State Of The Nation speech, I start to wonder if South Africans have forgotten how to really love one another. Families are disintegrating, violence against women and children is on the rise, newspapers are filled with stories of corruption and abuse of public funds and the sense of collective community responsibility has all but faded from memory. Broken promises of care and action have left many people cynical and without much hope in change. This is ironic in that the 3 major religions here in South Africa-Christianity, Hinduism, and Islam- all have the unconditional tenet of love for one’s neighbor and for one’s community. In Christianity, you have the example of Paul’s famous passage on love:

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Islam emphasizes love in acts of mercy and charity, or Zakat , while many of the Hindu community here in Greytown are generous donors to feeding schemes and social welfare organizations. To these 3 religions, love is not negotiable but rather as important to human life as living and breathing. Perhaps it’s time for

Friday, July 15, 2011

Why men love women

A few weeks ago I posted here Why women love men . Many readers asked me to write why we love women, but I don’t dare.Therefore, a reader (Julia) decided to do it for me. Of course, I don’t agree with everything, but this is a (relatively) free tribune. Let’s see what a feminine voice has to tell us:

We men love women because they still feel they are adolescents even after they grow old.

Because they smile every time they pass a child.

Because they walk down the street erect, always looking straight ahead, never turning round to say thanks or return the smile or compliment we make when they pass by.

Because they are bold in bed, not because they have a perverse nature but because they want to please us.

Because they don’t complain about the sacrifices they make for the sake of the ideal of beauty, facing up to waxers, Botox injections and menacing machines in gyms.

Because they prefer to eat salads.

Because they draw and paint their faces with the same concentration as Michelangelo working on the Sistine Chapel.

Because if they want to know something about their own appearance, they ask other women and don’t bother us with this type of question.

Because they have their own ways of solving problems, which we never understand, and that makes us mad.

Because they feel compassion, and say “I love you” precisely when they are beginning to love us less, to make up for what we can feel and notice.

Because sometimes they complain about things that we feel too, such as colds and rheumatic pains, and then we understand that they are people just like us.

Because while our armies invade other countries, they remain firm in their private and inexplicable war to put an end to all the cockroaches in the world.

Because they are capable of going to work dressed like men, in their delicate little suits, whereas no man would ever dare go to work wearing a skirt.

Because in the movies – and only in the movies – they never take a shower before making love with their partners.

Because they always manage to find a convincing defect when we say that another woman is pretty, making us feel insecure about our taste. (So true!!!)

Because they manage to fake orgasms with the same artistic quality as the most famous and talented of movie stars.

Because they just love exotic cocktails with different colors and delicate little ornaments, while we always have the same old whiskey.

Because they don’t waste hours thinking about how they are going to approach the pretty young man who has just come on the bus.

Because we came from them, will go back to them, and until that happens, live in orbit around the feminine body and soul.

Why Do Men Like Big Boobs?

We all stare. When a girl walks by with a big, bubbly chest, we can't help but stare. It's because we're guys. But WHY do we stare? What draws our eyes directly to a woman's chest? It's a combination of a few things. First of all, our love for the beautiful bosom dates back to prehistoric times when we all walked around grunting at one another. See what happened is, human beings began walking on two feet instead of four. This changed everything, including women's chests. In order to compensate for this change, the female body developed a way to attract the male eye, and through evolution, they eventually developed boobs. Literately just to get our attention! (and now that they have it we're "pigs")

The other reason we like full breasts is because it's a major sign of fertility in women. A woman's breasts naturally swell before and during their period. This is a sign that they are fertile. As men we need fertile women so that we can successfully have babies with them. So those are the two reasons. Doesn't seem like rocket science after you've read it but it makes sense. The only downfall is these days it is socially unacceptable to stare at a woman's chest. Will this change evolution to make women's breasts smaller? We'll never know, but enjoy 'em, they're there just for us!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

How to get to Fall in Love

There are plenty of rules and advice for getting a girl to fall in love with you. This is not about those rules and advice. This article focuses on basic concepts that can be used to strengthen a girl's feeling of love for you. It is love, after all, so allow this to be more of a fluid guideline.

Steps

  1. 1

    Want to feel Love?

    God will Love you no matter what Find real Love today!

  2. 2
    Open your eyes. Women are everywhere and many women are looking to fall in love. If you want a girl out there to fall in love with you, chances are a girl wants someone out there to fall in love with her. Don't get hung up on having one particular girl fall in love with you - maybe the feelings just aren't there! Your chances of making a girl fall in love are better if you get to know more girls, and give their love a chance to blossom, than if you try to "force" love on a girl who just isn't feeling it.

  3. 3
    Don't set expectations. Become like a romantic Buddha. Become desireless. Practice non-attachment. Expect nothing from the girl. This is not to say don't want the girl, it is just don't expect the girl to want you in return (which means you cannot be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised). Love thrives in the absence of pressure (in the form of neediness and clinginess).

  4. 4
    Show her how lovable you are. People don't seem to systematically decide who they fall in love with. It often comes with time, and in that time you need to show the girl that you are worth being around. This is the fun part! The only way this will work, though, is if you believe, on at least some level, that you are lovable and worth being around. It's very difficult to fall in love with someone who thinks badly of themselves.

  5. 5
    Give her space. This step can be looked at in many ways and can get distorted easily. It isn't about playing hard-to-get. The point is to give the girl the control of what happens next. This step isn't about ignoring her so SHE has to call you, or avoiding long conversations with her to torment her into loving you. Just allow her to live her life outside you. Allow her to see a movie without you. Allow her to be without you and she will then decide to love you on her own terms.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

How to propose a girl


Are you nervous on how to propose to your girl? Well, don’t be. Here are some tips that can help you in knowing the best ways in which you can propose to a girl. The one thing that you should keep in mind while proposing is that girls are very sensitive and every girl are different from the other. So make sure that your way of proposing to the girl should be unique in your own way, and should be according to the temperament of the girl.

Some of the best ideas for proposing a girl are mentioned below. Try them out and win the heart of your lady.

1. Be yourself. This is the first rule that you need to get into your mind when you think of proposing a girl. Do not overdo your proposal. Keep it simple yet special and sweet. Be who you are, and in your own special way say those three golden words.

2. Another old way of proposing is going down on your knees with a red rose in your hand. Though this is an old way of proposing, this still goes down the line and is bound to impress any girl.

3. Make her feel special by taking her out for a quiet romantic dinner. Prepare well and have her favorite dishes ordered for the two of you. Have her favorite music playing in the background and find a nice romantic moment to propose her. She will definitely be moved by the effort that you would have taken for arranging the special dinner.

4. You can get a banner prepared with the word I Love You and have it displayed outside her house or in the workplace. It is advised that you do not use her real name on the banner, but use the endearment that you generally use to call her.

5. Take her to the place where you met each other for the first time. Recreate the same moment and then propose to her. It will definitely move her and get embossed on her memory for lifetime.

6. If it is possible for you and you can afford it, have your proposal written on the sky. You can contact the skywriting company and have it arranged when the two of you are together.

7. You can make arrangement for asking your neighbors to put off their lights and have the windows lit up in the words I Love You. Take her to the balcony and open her eyes when everything is set. She will definitely love this.

8. You can drive to the beach in the evening and with some romantic soft music playing. Just as the sun is going down whisper the three words that she is longing to hear in her ears. This will definitely make her melt.

9. If both of you are the adventurous kinds, then you can plan an early morning trek to a nearby place, and when the sun is rising go on your knees and propose her on top of the summit.

10. If you want to make it dramatic and funny, then you can have a water gun and hold it out on her and say you are under arrest, and when she is all shocked and panicky then say for stealing my heart and say out I Love You.

With these great ideas you can definitely win her heart. So pull up your sleeves and walk up to her and say out what you have in your heart.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Valentine's Day


Saint Valentine's Day, commonly shortened to Valentine's Day, is an annual commemoration held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions.The day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 500 AD. It was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI, but its religious observance is still permitted. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines"). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

Modern Valentine's Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.

Saint Valentine

Historical facts

Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae). Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome who was martyred about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia. His relics are at the Church of Saint Praxed in Rome, and at Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland.

Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been martyred during the persecution under Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome. His relics are at the Basilica of Saint Valentine in Terni (Basilica di San Valentino).

The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.[11]

No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of either of these martyrs. By the time a Saint Valentine became linked to romance in the 14th century, distinctions between Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni were utterly lost.[12]

In the 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feastday of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: "Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14." The feast day is still celebrated in Balzan (Malta) where relics of the saint are claimed to be found, and also throughout the world by Traditionalist Catholics who follow the older, pre-Second Vatican Council calendar.

Romantic legends

The Early Medieval acta of either Saint Valentine were expounded briefly in Legenda Aurea.According to that version, St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.

Since Legenda Aurea still provided no connections whatsoever with sentimental love, appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to Roman Emperor Claudius II, allegedly ordering that young men remain single. The Emperor supposedly did this to grow his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers. The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail.

There is an additional modern embellishment to The Golden Legend, provided by American Greetings to History.com, and widely repeated despite having no historical basis whatsoever. On the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he would have written the first "valentine" card himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved, as the jailer's daughter whom he had befriended and healed, or both. It was a note that read "From your Valentine."

Attested traditions

Lupercalia

Though popular modern sources link unspecified Greco-Roman February holidays alleged to be devoted to fertility and love to St. Valentine's Day, Professor Jack Oruch of the University of Kansas argued that prior to Chaucer, no links between the Saints named Valentinus and romantic love existed.[17] Earlier links as described above were focused on sacrifice rather than romantic love. In the ancient Athenian calendar the period between mid-January and mid-February was the month of Gamelion, dedicated to the sacred marriage of Zeus and Hera.

In Ancient Rome, Lupercalia, observed February 13 through 15, was an archaic rite connected to fertility. Lupercalia was a festival local to the city of Rome. The more general Festival of Juno Februa, meaning "Juno the purifier "or "the chaste Juno," was celebrated on February 13–14. Pope Gelasius I (492–496) abolished Lupercalia.

Chaucer's love birds

The first recorded association of Valentine's Day with romantic love is in Parlement of Foules (1382) by Geoffrey Chaucer Chaucer wrote:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

["For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."]

This poem was written to honor the first anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia. A treaty providing for a marriage was signed on May 2, 1381.(When they were married eight months later, they were each only 15 years old).

Readers have uncritically assumed that Chaucer was referring to February 14 as Valentine's Day; however, mid-February is an unlikely time for birds to be mating in England. Henry Ansgar Kelly has pointed out that in the liturgical calendar, May 2 is the saints' day for Valentine of Genoa. This St. Valentine was an early bishop of Genoa who died around AD 307.

Chaucer's Parliament of Foules is set in a fictional context of an old tradition, but in fact there was no such tradition before Chaucer. The speculative explanation of sentimental customs, posing as historical fact, had their origins among 18th-century antiquaries, notably Alban Butler, the author of Butler's Lives of Saints, and have been perpetuated even by respectable modern scholars. Most notably, "the idea that Valentine's Day customs perpetuated those of the Roman Lupercalia has been accepted uncritically and repeated, in various forms, up to the present"[23]

Medieval period and the English Renaissance

Using the language of the law courts for the rituals of courtly love, a "High Court of Love" was established in Paris on Valentine's Day in 1400. The court dealt with love contracts, betrayals, and violence against women. Judges were selected by women on the basis of a poetry reading. The earliest surviving valentine is a 15th-century rondeau written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife, which commences.

Je suis desja d'amour tanné
Ma tres doulce Valentinée...
—Charles d'Orléans, Rondeau VI, lines 1–2

At the time, the duke was being held in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt, 1415.

Valentine's Day is mentioned ruefully by Ophelia in Hamlet (1600–1601):

To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,
And dupp'd the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.
—William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5

John Donne used the legend of the marriage of the birds as the starting point for his Epithalamion celebrating the marriage of Elizabeth, daughter of James I of England, and Frederick V, Elector Palatine on Valentine's Day:

Hayle Bishop Valentine whose day this is
All the Ayre is thy Diocese
And all the chirping Queristers
And other birds ar thy parishioners
Thou marryest every yeare
The Lyrick Lark, and the graue whispering Doue,
The Sparrow that neglects his life for loue,
The houshold bird with the redd stomacher
Thou makst the Blackbird speede as soone,
As doth the Goldfinch, or the Halcyon
The Husband Cock lookes out and soone is spedd
And meets his wife, which brings her feather-bed.
This day more cheerfully than ever shine
This day which might inflame thy selfe old Valentine.
—John Donne, Epithalamion Vpon Frederick Count Palatine and the Lady Elizabeth marryed on St. Valentines day

The verse Roses are red echoes conventions traceable as far back as Edmund Spenser's epic The Faerie Queene (1590):

She bath'd with roses red, and violets blew,
And all the sweetest flowres, that in the forrest grew.

The modern cliché Valentine's Day poem can be found in the collection of English nursery rhymes Gammer Gurton's Garland (1784):

The rose is red, the violet's blue
The honey's sweet, and so are you
Thou are my love and I am thine
I drew thee to my Valentine
The lot was cast and then I drew
And Fortune said it shou'd be you.

Valentine's Day postcard, circa 1910

Modern times

In 1797, a British publisher issued The Young Man’s Valentine Writer, which contained scores of suggested sentimental verses for the young lover unable to compose his own. Printers had already begun producing a limited number of cards with verses and sketches, called “mechanical valentines,” and a reduction in postal rates in the next century ushered in the less personal but easier practice of mailing Valentines. That, in turn, made it possible for the first time to exchange cards anonymously, which is taken as the reason for the sudden appearance of racy verse in an era otherwise prudishly Victorian.[30]

Paper Valentines became so popular in England in the early 19th century that they were assembled in factories. Fancy Valentines were made with real lace and ribbons, with paper lace introduced in the mid-19th century.[31] In the UK, just under half the population spend money on their Valentines and around 1.3 billion pounds is spent yearly on cards, flowers, chocolates and other gifts, with an estimated 25 million cards being sent.[32] The reinvention of Saint Valentine's Day in the 1840s has been traced by Leigh Eric Schmidt.[33] As a writer in Graham's American Monthly observed in 1849, "Saint Valentine's Day... is becoming, nay it has become, a national holyday."[34] In the United States, the first mass-produced valentines of embossed paper lace were produced and sold shortly after 1847 by Esther Howland (1828–1904) of Worcester, Massachusetts.[35][36]

Child dressed in Valentine's Day-themed clothing.

Her father operated a large book and stationery store, but Howland took her inspiration from an English Valentine she had received from a business associate of her father. Intrigued with the idea of making similar Valentines, Howland began her business by importing paper lace and floral decorations from England. The English practice of sending Valentine's cards was established enough to feature as a plot device in Elizabeth Gaskell's Mr. Harrison's Confessions (1851): "I burst in with my explanations: '"The valentine I know nothing about." '"It is in your handwriting," said he coldly. Since 2001, the Greeting Card Association has been giving an annual "Esther Howland Award for a Greeting Card Visionary."

Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards. The mid-19th century Valentine's Day trade was a harbinger of further commercialized holidays in the United States to follow.

In the second half of the 20th century, the practice of exchanging cards was extended to all manner of gifts in the United States. Such gifts typically include roses and chocolates packed in a red satin, heart-shaped box. In the 1980s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine's Day as an occasion for giving jewelry. The day has come to be associated with a generic platonic greeting of "Happy Valentine's Day." As a joke, Valentine's Day is also referred to as "Singles Awareness Day". In some North American elementary schools, children decorate classrooms, exchange cards, and eat sweets. The greeting cards of these students sometimes mention what they appreciate about each other.

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately 190 million valentines are sent each year in the US. Half of those valentines are given to family members other than husband or wife, usually to children. When you include the valentine-exchange cards made in school activities the figure goes up to 1 billion, and teachers become the people receiving the most valentines.

The rise of Internet popularity at the turn of the millennium is creating new traditions. Millions of people use, every year, digital means of creating and sending Valentine's Day greeting messages such as e-cards, love coupons or printable greeting cards. About 15 million e-valentines will have been sent in 2010.

There are some families, however, who choose to find other means of honoring Saint Valentine on Valentine's Day. Many of these traditions involve bonfires, for fire is said to represent passion.